


Expiry Dates

by cirrcie



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: BillDip, First fanfic ever, Fluff, Fluffy, Human Bill Cipher, Human!Bill, M/M, So excited, established relationships woo, ooc fluff yay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-03
Updated: 2015-05-03
Packaged: 2018-03-28 20:28:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3868726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cirrcie/pseuds/cirrcie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's a lot of things all-powerful demons have in their knowledge, but apparently those things don't include expiry dates.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time ever writing fanfiction and my first ever one-shot as well, haha (I've written short stories before but never fanfiction), so constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!~

“ _Pinetreee~_ ” a voice laced with mock affection called from downstairs.

Dipper mumbled something and shifted on his bed, evoking minuscule, defiant creaks that echoed in the emptiness of the room. His blankets were everywhere; on the floor, about to fall on the floor, strewn all over his bed. They were everywhere  _but_  on his body. He pulled one over his head and tried to ignore the dream demon downstairs that was calling him. 

The beckoning had stopped and Dipper gave a small smile before burrowing deeper into his mess of blankets, happy for silence to settle over the Shack once again. Then a sound of heavy footsteps started and got louder and louder as Bill, Dipper presumed, walked up the steps to his room. Dipper was too tired to prepare himself for the demon’s antics and just kept his eyes shut. He had been up late last night in order to work on the first draft of an article he was writing for the Gravity Falls local newspaper.

Then the door slammed open, as part of Bill’s usual dramatic entrance into every room he went into, and in walked the blonde demon that Dipper was dating, a confused look on his usually-grinning face.

“Hey Pine Tree, you know it’s not nice to ignore a demon,” Bill teased and plopped down onto Dipper’s bed. 

Dipper groaned, snatched his pillow from the floor and pushed it onto his face, adding to the blanket that was already covering his head. 

A muffled and annoyed voice sounded from below the pillow,“Bill, it’s 6 in the morning.  _Humans_  need sleep, y'know," 

Bill ignored him and continued on,"Pine Tree, what are these numbers on this jar?" 

Dipper pushed the pillow harder onto his face. The dream demon repeated his question once again, this time at a louder volume. Dipper let out a louder groan, as if challenging Bill to a competition of who could be the loudest. Nevertheless, the brunette tossed the pillow off his face and sat up abruptly.

"What do you want?” He said, clearly annoyed. 

The blonde demon pouted,“Geez, kid. There’s no need to be so  _rude_ ," 

Dipper no longer had the energy to be annoyed anymore. He stayed sitting there, and raised an eyebrow at Bill. The dream demon obviously took that as a sign to continue. 

"Tell me, my dearest Pine Tree, what do these numbers mean?” Bill asked, with a cheerfulness that stood in great contrast to Dipper’s pessimism. The blonde held up a small jar of jam, with insides that had turned slightly brown as a result of rotting. Dipper took a closer look and peered at the label on the small jar. 

“Oh,” he scoffed,“That’s an expiry date, Bill," 

Bill’s raised eyebrow told Dipper that clearly, the demon had no idea what the heck he was talking about. The young adult gave an exaggerated sigh. This demon said he knew everything, and yet had no clue what an expiry date was? But still, Bill had an eagerness in his expression that was clear as day, and since the brunette was up already, he figured he’d just explain what it was to him anyway. 

"An expiry date is the date when the food expires, goes bad, and can’t be eaten anymore,” Dipper said casually. He tossed the jar back to Bill, who caught it with his blue magic, and peered closely at it again. 

“If the food is past its expiry date, and you eat it, you’ll get a bad stomach ache. Don’t eat that jam, Bill. It’s a year past its date,” he went on to add, pretty sure that the demon would do something stupid if Dipper didn’t warn him. But then again, Bill rarely listened to Dipper’s warnings, and there was no hint that this time would be any different. The demon gave a slight nod and went back to studying the label on the jar. Dipper was slightly amused at how fascinated the demon seemed to be about a plain jam of jar.

After waiting for Bill to give a response, and not getting one, Dipper laid down and pulled the thin blanket over himself again. The brunette closed his eyes and tried to resume what had been a wonderful sleep. 

“So I can eat it, right?”

Dipper muttered something from under the blanket then yelled with as much annoyance as he could, throwing the blanket to the floor, the thin covering joining the heap of multicolored blankets lying around. 

“Bill, did you even hear what I  _just said?_ " 

The brunette’s face was red, not from embarrassment, but from sheer anger at the demon not paying attention to what he was saying. Of course, Dipper should have gotten used to it by now. After all, half the time the demon didn’t listen to any of the warnings that he gave. But every time the demon was being ignorant, it would still light a spark of anger in the young adult’s chest, and he would burst into a rant about Bill’s  _awful_  attention span or things like that, while the demon simply just found it as light-hearted entertainment for himself. 

As per usual, Dipper burst into a rant about how Bill should pay  _more_   _attention_ to what he was saying, because it might help one day. 

"You could get in some  **serious**   **trouble**  one day, Bill,” Dipper ended, a big frown plastered on his face. 

The demon, who had been staring at Dipper with a blank expression all the while, gave a mischievous grin. 

“Aww, does my Pine Tree care about me?” He cooed teasingly, knowing that it would make Dipper blush. And as if on cue, the young adult’s face turned a bright shade of red. 

“N-no! It’s just that I don’t want to have to take care of you if you get a stomach ache,” Dipper stuck his chin up, trying to gain control, but failing (as always).

The blonde demon smirked,“Chill. I’m an all-powerful being with no weaknesses, how can I get a small stomach ache?" 

When Bill saw that Dipper still had a worried look on his face, the demon’s gaze softened and he gave Dipper a gentle peck on his forehead. 

"Hey kid, relax. I can take care of myself; a small stomach ache won’t hurt me,” he said reassuringly with a charming wink. 

Dipper mumbled,“Fine,”

“Great!” The demon stood back up abrubtly,“Remember to buy gold, bye!" 

And before Dipper could say anything more, the blonde disappeared in a brilliant flash of light with a snap of his fingers. "Stupid dorito,” Dipper mumbled before lying back down and attempting to go back to sleep. 


	2. Chapter Two

“Bill, why didn't you listen to me?” Dipper scolded Bill with a gentle but firm tone,“I specifically told you that the jam was a year past its expiry date!" 

The demon only laid on his side on the bed, both hands clutching his middle, an obvious sign of pain. He stayed silent with his eyes closed. Dipper took one look at the dream demon and grumbled a string of indecipherable words. He thought to himself that he shouldn’t be so surprised, since he already had half-expected the foolish demon to try out the jam despite what he told him. But nonetheless, Dipper cared for this dumb dorito, and obviously part of his anger stemmed from the worry. The jar of jam had been in the Shack’s only refrigerator for two years. Two years! The twins went on shopping sprees every week, and almost always, half of the things they bought were never used or eaten, mostly due to how busy Dipper was and Mabel’s forgetfulness.

Dipper made a mental note to never buy anything they didn’t need, ever again.

"Pine Treeee,” Bill let out an  _awful_  wail, still curled up like a helpless fetus,“It hurtssss,”

“It’s your fault, Bill. I warned you,” Dipper said in a matter-of-fact tone. The brunette looked down at the dream demon to see if there was any small defiant gesture that the demon had made. Nope. Zilch.

Bill still remained in his position, his face contorted in pain. All Dipper took was one look and it broke his heart. He had tried everything he could do to lessen the pain but it still remained pretty persistent. Suddenly, Dipper recalled something that his mother did when he ate something contaminated once.

“Wait here, Bill,” the brunette told the demon, even though it was apparent that the demon wouldn’t be going anywhere with that level of pain. 

“Leaving so soon, Pine Tree?” Although the demon was still in pain, he surprisingly still had enough strength to speak in that playfully charming tone he always used on Dipper. 

Dipper struggled to hold back an annoyed groan and tried to reason with the demon,“Bill, I’m going to get something to help you. I’ll be right back," 

There was no response from Bill; Dipper assumed the demon had another wave of the stomach ache and was too in pain to talk again, so as quietly as he could, the brunette moved out of the room and gently closed the door enough to leave a slit, in case his boyfriend needed anything. 

Dipper stepped carefully downstairs in his socks, with the staircase letting out the occasional creak. He walked into the kitchen, the tiles smooth as water beneath his feet, and opened a cupboard above him. After rummaging around for a while in the crowded space, the brunette finally took out a large hot-water bottle and started filling it with boiled water from the kettle on the stove. 

As he poured, he thought that it was strange that the demon didn’t have to vomit or do anything of the sort yet. Not that he wanted him to do it, that would’ve just gave Dipper one more chore to finish, but it was suspicious that Bill hadn’t displayed any signs of the usual stomach ache, aside from the pain. Dipper shrugged. Maybe demons were affected differently? 

After filling up the water bottle and sealing it shut, Dipper held it close to his abdomen (the warmth felt very nice in contrast to the chilliness of the Shack), and walked up the stairs to his shared room. To his relief, the dream demon had fallen asleep on the bed. Bill’s body still held his previous fetal position, and his usual cheery expression was replaced with a look of pain.

Dipper gave a small smile at how, for once, Bill looked small and vulnerable. The brunette knew this was not exactly a good thought, and that he should be focusing on making Bill feel better, but it pleased him that sometimes even the most powerful demons in the world, who no one should summon at all costs, could look so..  _innocent_. 

The young adult carefully and gently turned Bill around so that the demon was lying on his back. Then Dipper placed the bottle flat on the demon’s stomach, careful not to just dump it onto him, and positioned the demon’s hands on it. The brunette hesitantly placed a soft kiss on Bill’s forehead, then pulled out his laptop and sat on the wooden chair, planning to finish his draft of the article he was writing. 

Before the laptop even finished booting up, there was a stirring noise and the demon sat up, a sleepy look on his face.

Oh great, Dipper thought to himself. 

Although the demon may have been weakened by the pain, he could still read the thoughts of people. Dipper had forgotten that. 

"What, Pine Tree? Not so happy to see your boyfriend?” The demon pouted mockingly before his signature grin appeared on his already-awake face again,“Say, Pine Tree. Can I ask you to do something for me?" 

Dipper looked up from his laptop and peered suspiciously at the blonde demon.

"What is it?” He asked slowly, moving the laptop from his lap to the desk. The young adult had been tricked into doing some ridiculous act for the demon countless times before, so he knew better than to do something for Bill before thinking it over thoroughly.

“Kiss me,”

“What? No!" 

"Pleaseee, Pine Tree~” The demon wailed. Dipper shook his head to try and give a firm “no” again, but the demon kept insisting that he kissed him. 

“Bill, I won’t kiss you out of pity,” the brunette said, although his cheeks were turning a light shade of pink. No, I won’t give in, he thought to himself. He was not going to let the demon convince him to kiss him this time. 

“Come ooon, Pine Tree,” the blonde demon whined,“Kiss me. Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me!” The demon’s voice had a demanding tone to it, and yet at the same time sounded soft and desperate. Dipper’s blush grew as Bill kept repeating the two words. 

“Alright, alright!” The brunette burst out so suddenly that even Bill was taken aback. He pulled Bill closer to him and gave him a long and satisfying kiss on the lips. When he pulled away, he thought he saw a fading glimpse of a blush on the blonde’s face, but that was quickly gone as the demon snapped his fingers. 

“Hey Pine Tree, guess what?” The demon said with a cheeky grin on his face. Dipper’s suspicion came back, and he narrowed his eyes at the blonde.

“What?” His voice was cautious. 

“The stomach ache’s gone! Surprise, surprise!” And with that, the demon hopped off the bed and waltzed out of the room, all too cheerfully. Dipper still sat on his wooden chair, confused and trying to figure out what the demon had said until sudden realization hit him in the face. 

“Bill, you  **FAKED IT**?” Dipper yelled with rage, and just a hint of embarrassment that his boyfriend had gone through all that just to get them to kiss. The young adult stormed out of the room and slammed the door, hoping to find the troublesome demon and give him yet another scolding (which Bill would probably ignore).


End file.
